It's not just me.

The word job can be read in several ways. It can mean job as in a part-time job, a Saturday job, the odd paper-boy shift, a career or a dream. I'm still job-hungry. Currently I work 45 hours a week as a waitress during the evening and weekends, and 40 hours a week during the day for Time Out as an Intern. I have been accepted onto a course to study Magazine Journalism come September, but right now, I don't feel as though I have a job yet. I have a means to pay my way, and a selection of choices that will help me attain my dream job. I'm in limbo, waiting. 

At work number two last night I was cleaning a table when I noticed a former editor of my student newspaper sitting with a friend. "I'm a news producer for Sky", he told me. We exchanged handshakes and comments about the state of our lives, and agreed to organise a Palatinate alumni get-together again at some point. I was enormously impressed with what he had a achieved, and I couldn't help but stop and look at myself, cutlery tray in hand, aching feet and a smelly dishcloth in my waitressing pouch, its wetness slowly seeping through my apron to leave a damp spot. 

I went into the back of the restaurant and slowly put some lipstick stained glasses into the machine. I had chosen to be here and I was angry that I had to be. I had a deep, flashing moment of frustration with myself for not taking my place at City immediately out of university. I could have been done by June. I would be a journalist, not an intern-come-cutlery polisher. But this is the path I chose, and the mistakes I made somewhere along the line have contributed to my current exhaustion. Last night, stacking the glasses into the dishwasher, I realised that I had lost the core of what I was even doing there, why I was there in the first place. It was to keep my dream of becoming a journalist alive, I reminded myself. This is what we all have to do. But it had become a robotic existence.

At home, my book lay unfinished, one chapter to go until the end. Three articles that I had offered to write for Time Out were unwritten, with no foreseeable time in which to write them. I don't even have time to eat a meal. A box of as high-calorie food as I can find-polenta, tofu or mushrooms-eaten quickly on the 15 minute bus journey home at 1am. And the endless days in the stuffy Time Out office where I struggle to keep my eyes open and focus on the screen. The feedback from editors, silly mistakes from not proof-reading because my eyes just won't stay open. And when they all received the Time Out card for staff members, a card that entitles you to 50% off dining out and none of the interns did, my first thought was not of exploitation, but instead realised that this would increase customers at the restaurant where I worked.

In perpetuum. 

But something shook me out of this self-pitying mess. Something that made me open up my laptop and restart this blog. Compared to other people, my life is easy. 

And the following posts, will be their stories. 

Graduate Scheme Panic

We’ve all got friends like it. Maybe you were one. Maybe I was. Who knows. 

“Fancy a drink?”

“Sorry, can’t I’ve got Amnesty/Foodwaste/Save the puppies AGM”

“Tomorrow lunchtime?”

“Lunchtimes? Are you serious? I’m interviewing local councillor/David Bowie/the Queen”

And now, post-university, they’re unemployed. They got a 2:1 (achievable), joined and ran every club under the sun (harder) and are personable. But they don’t have a job.

What went wrong?  I have several friends in this position and almost all of them have one thing in common:

They blindly applied for graduate roles.

Graduate roles are seen as the be all and end all of a university career. No graduate role? You are derided, cast aside and rejected by the university alumni people who call you up every week asking you what your leaver’s destination is.

“Seeking employment?” they sniff? “Did you not get on a graduate scheme?”

The phone line mysteriously goes dead. Your university doesn’t want you as a statistic. Seeking further employment doesn’t look great when they’re trying to attract new blood. 

“Oh him?” They’ll tell their supervisor. “No, we couldn’t get through.” And your number will be erased from the university alumni relations office contact book.

 But applying for too many roles when at uni, or post uni, is dangerous too. At some point you stop caring what the results of these applications will be. Graduate scheme at British Tobacco? Oh ok then, might as well. But you won’t get it, because you really couldn’t give a shit. The big four? KPMG? PWC? Well, are you good at  maths? No, but, well, go on, you might as well. And then you get rejected.

Because they know you didn’t wake up that morning, punching the air and saying: “Yes, one more step towards a lifelong career in audit!”

As previous posts have shown however, just because you want something like crazy, it doesn’t mean you’ll get that either. BBC graduate scheme-didn’t even get an interview. And I pretty much ticked every box going. And then some. Because graduate schemes are not the be all and end all. Focus on small production companies. Approach a small newspaper. Call up a regional auditors in your parents local town. Any architects nearby who’ll take you on for a few weeks of work experience?

Graduate schemes aren’t always glamorous. And quite often they can drag you through the hoops with you unwillingly holding the reigns with one hand. At each step you question whether you want it. But you keep getting through until the final selection day when you’re hideously rejected. And then you realised after all that work, preparation and effort, you’re still no closer to getting a job and the end of university is just 4 weeks away.

But don’t panic. Don’t apply blindly. Don’t rush yourself off your feet trying to fit mad amounts on your CV.  Relax, think about your point. What do you think you were put on this earth to do? What would you like to do? Because my guess was it wasn’t to end up working in a faceless office in front of a computer counting steel-piping imports. And if this was your dream, and you’ve achieved it: well done!

Monday morning and the quest for blue and white enamel

This morning felt a little Joycian. I had decided to task myself with recording exactly how a JobHungryGrad feels on a Monday morning, when the rest of the world has disappeared off to their offices and places of learning, and is left at the kitchen table drinking tea in front of their red laptop.

Next to me is a small pile of crusts (I have not yet reached the depths of unemployed graduate poverty that I will willingly eat the crusts of a week old gluten-free loaf). My left hand's ring finger is sticky with marmalade, so I am taking care not to allow it to touch the keyboard. My tea is simmering in a white and blue enamel mug. And what a mug. It is a fabulous, light, unbreakable mug which started my quest to replenish my crockery stash with a row of blue and white enamel mugs hanging off hooks in our new kitchen. (http://www.surplusandoutdoors.com/shop/camping-equipment/plates-enamel-wear.html)

My excitement was fueled by the discovery that it's also possible to buy a classic blue and white enamel pie dish and a classic enamel Billy Can. The Billy Can I can understand, but who goes camping and bakes a pie? How do you bake a pie in a tent? All the more questions for the JobHungryGrad to query during the long week ahead.

Otherwise, I feel happy. I had an incredible weekend, and and have an invite to interview tomorrow. It's unlikely I'll get it and the hours are long and yes, it's based in an office, but it fits my schedule and I crave human interaction.

I went to an incredible coffee shop in Shoreditch yesterday (www.weekendnotes.co.uk/fix-126-cafe-shoreditch-it's got the best coffee in the whole of London) and sat down with my boyfriend to make a comprehensive list of everything I want to achieve this week. I stayed up until midnight last night writing article updates and then this morning have decided to finish writing my chapter on Budapest in my book. I job hunted before my toast and marmalade, found nothing because it was 7am and will resume the search later this afternoon.

If there's one job hunting lesson I learnt last week it was that just searching for jobs can drain the energy and the life out of your short time on earth. The reason I left the civil service was because I wanted more time to write and because I didn't like the painfully hierarchical and unpleasant structure. Why waste my new found free time trying to conform it to the constraints of a working day? I work best early in the morning and late at night so why try to impose a 9-5 structure when it didn't really work before? Surely the middle of the days should be for doing things, seeing things I wouldn't usually get to see, walking around in circles and catching up on writing?

I quit my graduate job because I needed some space to work out my path but also to work on my path. I can't forget that like I did last week.

The Wheel of Fortune (Kay Starr FYI)

Graduates are unlikely to have experience. Unless you make friends with people who mirror you identically, why not share experiences and skills to help your unemployed friends develop skills, bulk up their CV and become a more well-rounded person.

If you know a grad (or anybody I suppose) looking for a job, and you feel that you have a skill you could share, find out what you could exchange. I know how to use Social Media. So I could approach my friend who is hapless at using Twitter and offer an exchange to develop my dressmaking skills.

Why not set up a skill sharing site? 

Right now, I want to learn/perfect/better myself at the following:

• Night time photography with SLR camera (see above photo for evidence of my lack of ability)
• HTML
• Graphic Design
• Advanced Yoga
• How to make sushi (I have the mats and rice and everything: I'm all set)

I can exchange the following skills and gifts:

• Piano lessons
• How to budget your travel
• How to find the cheapest airflights known to mankind
• Clarinet lessons
• Basic sketching
• Beginners adult ballet
• Thai food
• Mexican food
• Gluten free/vegan baking
• Social media skills
• General fitness/healthy eating
• Tapas. 

Somewhere, there must be a match who wants to exchange what I have (essentially a greedy tummy who learnt how to cook shit) and has what I want.

Just a thought. 

Back to the book. 

What does an unemployed graduate do with their spare time?

As a JobHungryGrad, it is likely to assume that I have been applying for jobs by the bucketload. Assume away, but it would be untrue.

Instead, I'm drawing mind-map diagrams when I hunt for jobs. I presume that if I want to work in the future as some kind of writer, let's say journalist, then right now I want to be looking for jobs that allow me to communicate with people. That may not necessarily be a writing job (though bonus points if it is) but it needs to be a job where I get to discuss, debate and engage, because that's what I like doing.

The reason why I left the Civil Service was because I found the work a little dry, and although I applied my all to it, as Einstein said, "When a man sits with a pretty girl, it will feel only like a minute". When he sits with an ugly piece of detailed primary legislation, your life blood will sap out of you drop by drop. Basically, if you enjoy your job, it won't feel like you're working. Instead, it will feel as though you're partying all day.

So what am I trying to do about my sucky predicament? Well, first of all I have to get over the psychological guilt issue that I brought this on myself and others around me. I did, I know it's true, but now let's remedy it:

• 1. I am writing, a lot. I have been spreading my writer's seed around tens of online travel websites, I've been updating my travel blog and I've been adding to my non-fiction book on travelling ethically whilst undertaking budget travel.

• 2. I've started a business with a friend that I've had circulating around my mind for months but had to put it off until I have 'more time'. I now have plenty of time so I'm not getting my teeth into this project, which is fun and very exciting.

• 3. I've started to teach myself comprehensive SEO technique and HTML/CSS. Because my friend laughed at me when I told him I didn't know how to write HTML (I still hold that it was a bit cocky of him to do so) but now, I'm learning. How can I possibly become a good all-round journalist if I can't even code.

• 4. I've resubmitted applications for a Masters in Journalism Course at City University (but I wasn't meant to tell anybody that in case that stops me from getting a job)

• 5. I'm seriously thinking about the offer than was made to me to head out to Cambodia and go and work on the Pnomh Penh Posth for three months. SERIOUSLY THINKING ABOUT IT.

• 6. I'm buying a house.

• 7. I'm training for a 10k. Somewhere, somehow, I've always been a terrible runner but now the time has come to learn how to run 10k. So far the most I've managed is 8k, but I'm so close.

• 8. About to start a fiction book about sex-trafficking. That'll cheer me up no end during my inevitable weeks of job hunting.

• 9. The time has come to perfect the art of making Choux Buns. This time is tomorrow, ready for my boyfriend to come home from work.

• 10. Try to be happy, and if that fails, go out and take pretty photographs.